Sunday, February 19, 2006
Well.. another day has passed.. Junhui have already left for Perth yesterday.. haaha.. ( should be there already ) yupp..yesterday, there was an ambulance outside house "8" @ my estate.. heard from my dad from my mum from her friend, auntie lina's maid thatthe maid in house "8" hung herself.. quite scary uh.. ppl nowadays.. due to stress.. suicide will b another thing.. well.. from here..i wish to tell everyone not to give up life so easily.. there's always ups & downs in one's life; look forward towards everyting..leave behind what bottles u up.. yupp.. also, last night.. we went to send Junhui off at the air-port.. have been some time since i hang outwith kor & company.. still as crappy as ever,, still enjoy their company., bud yar.. in life, there isnt only one single thing u live for..there's lots more to do.. recently i'm having a so called war with my mum.. urgh.. sometimes i feel lyk killing myself ( I'm serious )but then again, i can't be so selfish.. i just can't.. ppl lyk my dad & so on. so many ppl outside there feel much more worse then me.. can't do it..well after her so called war with my younger bro, it's me.. haha.. oh ya.. anyways HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY CUTIE LIL BRO!!JIEJIE LOVES U SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!! MUAHAHAHA yeahh.. back to "it's my turn" hmm.. yeah.. what abt it.. it's lyk.. i seriouslythink that it's influence from my mum's friends.. after having a few mahjong sessions as in my mum, she suddenly changed her attitude towards me as in really. TOTALLY yeahh.. it's so darn it.. nan shou (in chinese) yeah.. feel so hooked up.. struggling for more breath..really.. i seriously dunooe what the fuck is wrong.. alryts.. she's ignoring me & we have officially not spoken to each other for morethan a day. but seriously i'm fine with all these so long as the rest of my family doesnt suffer with me.. i rather take on her hot temperhot attitude by myself.. all alone.. i've been crying alone for long long long hours but i really dunoe what to do.. really dunoe hoe toend this misery.. she's getting on my nerves.. I dunoe if i should treat her even better or just or just be cold towards her. this havealready started since the day before valentine's day.. that night, she just started ranting at me.. & Jarrel.. i was watching a show on tv( a vcd ) having a rest from after school before starting my work.. she assumed & started shouting, saying that i'm not taking my workseriously & all sorts of craps & started blaming on Jarrel.. it has totally nothing to do with him.. in the 1st place does she even noethat im not in a good mood & i feel really stressed up for i dunoe what too.. jus so stressed.. & what kinda attitude is that? she herselfknows it.. she know that i've been trying to improve myself towards my self-learning.. i've improved.. must she just keep rubbing into it?it's not that im not paying attention in class lyk what i did for the past few years. ryts.. enough with that.. she just keep continuin!! she started saying abt me & Jarrel.. saying that she's not against us all that but i'm young all that & that she will call the police ryt awayif something happens to me. well she's concerned abt me i'm happy with it but BULLSHIT she's not implying on that. she's slowly implyingon not wanting us to be together. what-the-hell. i'm seriously giving in to her by not screaming at all! not at all.. with my kind ofpersonality. i would. definatlie fight back with her arguments. but i endured & let everything pass.. but she's climbing over the limit.slowly. slowly. bit by bit.. now guess what. we're lyk as in me & Jarrel. we didnt meet as often as before.. feel really sad cuz i really missedhim so dearly.. im so used to get to see him almost daily.. almost.. or mayb everyday.. he's willing to wait. he's willing to come wait for meoutside sch. he's willing to travel from east to west. why stop us.. i've been doing my stuff n listen to my parents.. it's all part in the deal we made between my mum & I. i achieved what she wanted.. i've attended less outings with my friends.. with kor & so on.. less windowshopping with girlfriends & bitching around talkin outside. i've stopped so many things in exchange to meet him more often.. i stayed at home.. most of the time.. least with him talkin to me by my side.. what else? i managed to get him before 10.30pm even if i go out..i've stopped everything.. almost everything that brightens up my day.. everything.. & what's up with her.. she says that i keep going out..i've got witness.. i've got ppl to speak up for me.. i havent been hanging out late.. why must she assume i mean acuse me liddat?she herself can tell.. she herself can see.. she herself knows it best.. i've given out so much time with my friends.. with the time i canspend with them.. i've given them all out.. she says that i can go ahead & meet Jarrel on saturday & sunday.. i'm fine with it cuz leasti'm meeting him.. but. what now? i've got drums lessons on sunday that leaves saturday. but on saturday, she actually wans me to bringmy lil bro to Jurong library every week!! not only that i didnt want to join tkd.. bud my parents insist that i go for tkd lessons.. where's myfree time with him? there's no use at all.. i've tried my means to do what she wans.. to give in to her.. i've tried..and i've decided..
to be cold towards her..
I'm just so sad & confused.. i really hope for this cold war between my mum & myself over soon.. on valentine's day.. i bought her a flower(from Jarrel & I to her) she totally had no reaction.. at all.. no smile no nothing.. it really breaks my heart.. so much.. so much.. really thatmuch.. she taught me not to be influenced by my friends.. & be myself.. have my own point of view.. what abt herself now?she herself can see everything clearly.. she accepted everything already.. but now she's influenced by her own friends.. i'm desperatly gasping for air.. seriously.. wanna get out from her clutches not to be in war with her.. i wanna have my own time & freedom.. but notall these.. i really want.. i wanna get good relationships with her too.. i wan no war.. i wan no war at all.. but if this will help keep the rest of my family in peace.. so be it.. i accept it..
I will accept it..
amazing.. totally.. amazing.. Jarrel & I will still wait for each other.. Love U alot dear.. thanks for all your accompany..I'm not ashamed of letting others know abt our relationship. instead. i'm proud of it.. & will let everyone else noe =)
take care people!! Love U all too.. God Bless.. oh ya.. as for my LaoMa JunHui.. Love U as well.. Best wishes to ur upcoming challenges..Keep in touch & do us proud!! take care.. =)
.big.mac.
[ 10:34 AM ]
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
hey people.. hoe's life? think it's been quite some tyme since ive updated this this.. rotting blog.. haha.. so how's life online.. damn.. what kinda of bullshit m i talking abt.. yeah.. valentine's day just passed and it's happy total defence day to everyone.. so.. let's see.. hoe's de new year going on for de chinesE? well well.. ive enjoyed mine.. ok what else.. the moon's rather pretty these few days.. hmm hmm.. oh ya the release of GCE O lvls results.. every did well gratz ppl!! kor & company too.. okie la i shall stop here 1st cuz im going to type a 2nd part of this! <3 jarrel =")
.big.mac.
[ 8:20 PM ]
